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We are not our emotions, we are so much more.
This is a challenging time for everyone and worry wears many faces… some people get angry while others are overrun with sadness or blame. There are the elderly and the fragile watching in despair while children are confused and parents do their best to help them feel safe. Regardless of where we are on the fear scale there is one thing we can all do to help… let go of the fear we are holding inside. How?
Allow whatever you are feeling to exist.
One minute of just sitting in what we feel, without fighting it, hating it, blaming it, or making it wrong, melts it. I know, I know, this sounds too easy. And I invite you to give two minutes of your day and test it. Here’s the trick though—most of us believe getting angry, crying, or ranting and blaming is truly feeling. It’s not! These responses arise NOT from allowing a feeling, but from resisting one.
It’s easy to discover this for yourself. In the midst of an emotion, ask yourself “What am I really upset about?” Be as specific and honest as you can when you answer. Under our initial response lies a deeper concern. Not to discount any emotion that may appear, however, when this underlying fear is faced, it’s like pulling the right string to open a big bag of dog food. It opens perfectly, all the way. This is what happens to us when we see the underlying truth. The stories, opinions, and judgments that grew out of that initial fear release right along with it. Honesty takes us to the right thread.
I’ll share the underlying feelings I see most often when coaching people: helplessness, loss, loneliness, and fear of failure, losing control, and death. Understandably there are a lot of sensations stacked on top of these ideas. We tuck these feelings down, make them our enemies, deny they exist, pretend over them and don’t even realize we’re lugging them through life, until we let them go and experience how free we are without them.
Awareness increases with just a few minutes of inquiry.
Admitting, allowing, and breathing through the resisted sensations has us become source over how we feel instead of how we feel being source over us. Give it a go. If you feel like you need more guidance, here’s a free download of The Allowing Handbook which has the steps for releasing outlined in Chapter 4 (available for the next 30 days only). You can check it out on Amazon before you download it to see if it speaks your language. [Dear parents: the Catch & Release process is helpful with children of all ages. There are examples in the text of how to apply it.]
People often ask, “What does it mean to allow a feeling?”
It’s surrendering to sensations. It’s deliberately allowing the heaviness, dread, physical contraction, and fright that the worry stirs. Allowing is the willingness to feel what we fear and stop running from it, letting whatever sensation that is there to just be there. It’s getting honest and asking again after the initial opening, “What am I really afraid of feeling?” then opening to explore, discover, allow, and dissolve.
Allowing a feeling is not about making yourself wrong for being vulnerable, angry, afraid, or whatever you might deem weak. Making yourself wrong for anything adds more density and inertia to what you are experiencing. Allowing ‘what is’ for a minute is healing. Having the courage to be real and to show loved ones that it’s okay to feel whatever they feel, is powerful and quite kind. Not being real, not allowing makes it more difficult for those around us to express themselves; it reinforces the idea that they should pretend too. It prolongs suffering.
This practice is about acknowledging that what you find inside is yours, and not the fault of someone else. (If you blame what you feel on another, you have to wait for them to change to feel better). When you own how you feel, you can release it. It’s not a small thing to be present and inquire like this. It’s a gift to your body and your loved ones to clear negative energy. Good things happen with this effort. We become more present, more aware, and definitely more healthy. Suddenly, there’s more space for intuition to guide our actions.
It’s a big deal to allow.
Don’t give up if you don’t feel completely clear after one release. Don’t be surprised if your mind tells you you’re doing it wrong, it won’t work, you’re nuts or something similar. The ego/mind loves conflict and upset. Don’t listen to it. Keep going. Let the proof be how you or your family feel after a few releases. We’ve spent a lifetime being told to stuff it, get back on the horse, don’t be a sissy, and so on. Give yourself a little time to relax and get real with yourself. Allowing is Magical stuff!
Thank you for reading and considering these ideas.
This is not an easy time. Please take extra care of yourself and lend a hand to others as you feel strong and safe to do so. We will get through this and come out the other side with our hearts more awakened to what matters. I hear about the planet healing, the sky clearing, waters being restored, people singing to one another, and families listening to each other in ways that inspire their hearts to do the talking. Let’s join in and heal what might need healing inside each of us. This is a lasting gift to the whole.
If you have any questions about what I’ve written, feel free to reach out. I will do my best to remind you how powerful your focus of attention is.
Please take a moment and flow some kindness to yourself and know how dear you are in this world as you stop, breathe, love, hope, and open to something greater than fear.
Much love,
